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november child

the curse of a sentimental heart & a skeptical mind

Month

June 2017

Communication

I have made a mosaic of
our conversations, frantically
inserting colourful shards of
desperation to fill in
the uncomfortable gaps.

I dive headfirst into your silences
which equally repel and attract me,
unable to sit this one out while
suffering from flashbacks to a place
where silence equalled punishment.

I choke on the pleas I will not voice,
raising my shield of nervous smiles,
and taking refuge in jokes, and sarcasm,
anything, really anything,
to cover up my fear, and confusion.

© november child
photo credit: Pat Mitchell
I happened upon this site while searching for a photo. I am not a fan of mosaics but this artist made some powerful, and beautiful works of art.

Magnet

Wishes

I wish I did not crave
tracing the tattoo on your arm.
I wish the grey at your temples
did not make me want to
run my fingers through your hair.
I wish I could unfeel the trails
your fingertips burnt onto my skin.
I wish your smile
did not reach your eyes.

I wish the willingness
to throw my life away
for this insane infatuation
was not plainly written on my face.

You were my poison,
you still are my folly.

 

© november child
photo credit: source unknown

 

Heatwave

Northern European skin,
too fair and
defenseless,
winces at the touch of
a merciless sun.

Viking genes,
with their embedded
memories of
cold North Sea water
and snow-covered land,
are offended.

 

© november child
photo credit: The Independent

Hesitation

I falter

I waver, and wait

I think, rethink, and overthink

But you,
and your cursed impatience
may not simply run over
my hesitation
like a bulldozer on steroids.

You,
and your bloody self-assurance
may not simply sweep over
my cautiousness
like an out-of-control wildfire.

I do not know
if this comes as a revelation,
but I do make decisions very fast
when pushed too far.

 

© november child
photo credit: Kate Ware via Flickr
Revelation

The War Inside

I cannot even recall how many battles
I fought, but I know there were many.

I have spent hours, days, sometimes weeks
thoroughly planning ahead, gathering data
obsessively, checking and rechecking facts
until my head was spinning, and
my strategy was meticulously laid out.

I cringe at the waste of energy
as most battles never even took place,
yet in my mind, I already had felt
the pain of injuries I was expecting,
and had treated others cruelly,
some of them very dear to me.

And in the end, the most painful thing is
that I can never be sure
if the negative energy of my thoughts
reached my unsuspecting opponents.

 

© november child
Artist: Owen via Photobucket

 

Defensive

I thought he was quite handsome,
fluttering back and forth importantly,
showing off those vibrant colours
on his tiny, fragile wings.

So endearing when he started
following me around. I wondered
if it was my perfume which
deliciously smells like summer.

He never left my side, even after
I went back inside, he just
settled in a safe distance and
stared at me in a pensive manner.

‘Look at you’ he said all of a sudden.
‘You’ve become boring. All earnest and
always busy. Where did your smile go,
and what happened to your soul?’

And I got a little defensive, not sure
if I still liked that cheeky rascal.
I really have no time for this when life
is pushing me this way and that.

After all, he is just a butterfly.
What does he know about
responsibilities?

 

© november child
photo credit: Neil Halin via Flickr

Distant

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