I have made a mosaic of
our conversations, frantically
inserting colourful shards of
desperation to fill in
the uncomfortable gaps.
I dive headfirst into your silences
which equally repel and attract me,
unable to sit this one out while
suffering from flashbacks to a place
where silence equalled punishment.
I choke on the pleas I will not voice,
raising my shield of nervous smiles,
and taking refuge in jokes, and sarcasm,
anything, really anything,
to cover up my fear, and confusion.