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november child

the curse of a sentimental heart & a skeptical mind

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decisions

Missed Opportunities

You were the inventor of the art of
rebelling against your privileges
while driving a Beemer.
You wore your contradictions
unapologetically, and in style,
leaving me incredulous, and
more than a bit breathless.

California sun in your eyes,
a grin to die for, easygoing
to the point of carelessness.
How I wish our insurgencies
had been better timed.
I kept the necklace you gave me,
and this nagging uncertainty
in my heart.

 

© November child
photo credit: via  computing.ece.vt.edu
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Hesitation

I falter

I waver, and wait

I think, rethink, and overthink

But you,
and your cursed impatience
may not simply run over
my hesitation
like a bulldozer on steroids.

You,
and your bloody self-assurance
may not simply sweep over
my cautiousness
like an out-of-control wildfire.

I do not know
if this comes as a revelation,
but I do make decisions very fast
when pushed too far.

 

© november child
photo credit: Kate Ware via Flickr
Revelation

Defensive

I thought he was quite handsome,
fluttering back and forth importantly,
showing off those vibrant colours
on his tiny, fragile wings.

So endearing when he started
following me around. I wondered
if it was my perfume which
deliciously smells like summer.

He never left my side, even after
I went back inside, he just
settled in a safe distance and
stared at me in a pensive manner.

‘Look at you’ he said all of a sudden.
‘You’ve become boring. All earnest and
always busy. Where did your smile go,
and what happened to your soul?’

And I got a little defensive, not sure
if I still liked that cheeky rascal.
I really have no time for this when life
is pushing me this way and that.

After all, he is just a butterfly.
What does he know about
responsibilities?

 

© november child
photo credit: Neil Halin via Flickr

Distant

Second Thoughts

Doubt sets in frequently,
demanding a review of
decisions made.

Hindsight reveals the truth
it so loves to conceal during
those moments when it is
actually needed.

Reminding with a mocking smirk
that one might have been
more open-minded about
things second-guessed, and
more wary of concepts
blindly taken for granted.

© november child
photo credit: wallpapercave.com  (Auguste Rodin – Le Penseur)

Blindly

Doors

Indecisiveness leads nowhere,
he says using the motivational
intonation, the one that is
usually reserved for team meetings.
He shows a lack of understanding
for the complexity of doorways.

It’s easy to be confident when you
never opened a portal to hell,
it sounds a bit snappish, his
leadership voice does that to her
sometimes. She lacks the words
to explain that behind the prettiest
doors may lurk unseen horrors,
and a lot of locks do not
necessarily safeguard something precious.

At some point you have to make
a decision, but this time you won’t be alone,
he promises. Not much of an
assurance really, when she is still not
certain, if the door that lead her
to him, might be one she should
have left unopened.

© november child
picture taken with iphone 4s

Unseen

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